Addicted to Love?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When does making love too much become an obsession or addiction? How do we know we are not in a balanced, healthy relationship? What is the difference between sex addiction and a “normal sex drive?”

If you are finding yourself consumed by sex, or the need to have sex, you might be addicted. I have had sex addicts tell me that there is no such thing as a sex addiction. Which proves the point that denial is a huge part of any addiction.

Who Can Be Addicted?

Remember Robert Palmer? “You like to think that you are immune to the stuff? You might as well face it you are addicted to love!”

Sexual Addiction is Progressive

You might have to increase activities, take bigger risks to get the same rush you used to get with what most people would call “normal sex.” Sex feels good. It is natural and normal to have sex and enjoy it. That in itself is not harmful. When sex becomes a compulsion that causes suffering to others, then it has become addictive. If you have to keep amping up your behavior and risk taking to keep things exciting for you, or you are disconnecting from intimacy through your experience, you have a sexual addiction.

Does This Apply To You?

  1. Are you preoccupied with sexual thoughts, desires or compulsions?
  2. Are your sexual behaviors getting in the way of productive work, or financial obligations?
  3. Are your sexual behaviors keeping you from having a deep connection with your partner?
  4. Do you feel desensitized to sex with a partner?
If you find that you are unable to have an intimate connection with your partner, then you have an issue. When sex becomes an escape but does not give you the satisfying and gratifying experience that an intimate encounter does, then compulsion or addiction is involved. Shame often enters into addictive sexual behavior as well, leaving you feeling negative and often depressed, rather than satisfied and fulfilled.

There are many different types of sexual addiction. Here are a few:

  1. Have a compulsion to masturbate and it interferes with your life or work.
  2. Addicted to porn.
  3. Have to watch porn to get off.
  4. Feel desensitized to sex with a partner.
  5. Fantasies pervade your sexual experience with a partner.
  6. Paying for sex.
  7. Voyeuristic sex. The need to look on while others are performing sex acts.
  8. Dangerous sexual experiences, looking for the latest rush or charge.
  9. Have the need to be humiliated during sex, before sex or humiliation is part of the stimulation prior to sex.
  10. High risk sex. Either dangerous and life threatening or situations involve high risk.
  11. You need to exploit the person you are having sex with.
  12. Boundary violation is part of your arousal.
  13. You may be an exhibitionist, needing to expose yourself as part of the arousal process.
Tonight we continue our discussion about addictions with Dr. Winn Henderson. Tonight’s podcast is specifically sexual addictions. We will address the cures for addiction, as well as the causes.

8:00 PM Eastern and 5:00 PM Pacific time

(605)475-4000 PIN 939401 #

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a life, love and sex coach. She is the author of Orgasm For Life, available through Amazon. Her website is

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