You might call her fickle, twisted, impossible to please or bipolar. A woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is highly unstable, with a poor self-image, constant ups, and downs, stormy relationships and may feel insane.
- Frantic efforts in an attempt to avoid abandonment from friends, family and loved ones
- Unstable personal relationships are known as splitting: “I’m so in love with him” followed by “I hate him!”
- Impulsive behaviors that can have disastrous results – overspending, reckless driving, unsafe sex or substance abuse
- Flipping from being calm to irrational anger or rage for the smallest of reasons
- Fixation on clothes and looking their best in public
- Distorted self-image and childish fixation “they liked me!”
- Irrational or inappropriate rage followed by guilt or shame
- Extreme feelings of liking or loving someone followed by a feeling of intense hatred
- Chronic emptiness or boredom
- Nothing is ever enough
- Narcissistic behavior – it’s all about them
- Inability to take responsibility for behavior – blames others
- Extremely critical and judgmental of others
- Can’t be happy for other’s successes
- In competition for others affection
- Stress can lead to periods of psychosis
- Dissociative – disconnection from self and thoughts – out of body experiences
- Suicidal tendencies or self-harming may occur
- Lack healthy boundaries
- Inappropriate fixation on other people’s personal issues
- Genetics. Though there is no gene associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is hereditary. A study of twins showed that it is five times more likely to occur in families where a first-level family member had the disease.
- Those who experience traumatic life events such as sexual molestation, rape, or separation from one or both parents are more likely to develop the disease
- The way the brain works with those with BPD is different than those without it; this suggests a neurological basis for the disease. Parts of the brain that control judgment and emotions may not communicate well with other areas. Like a missed synapse or broken contact within the brain.
A parent with BPD expects their needs to be met no matter what “to hell with your needs.” When an issue is brought up to the parent, they are irrational and even vengeful. They might be jealous of your life, relationships or even your children. (I wrote about this in Odyssey Victim To Victory.) They want you to join them in their misery and can’t be happy for your successes. Validation or praise was most likely missing in your childhood and you may continue to long for validation today.
We have to let go of attempting to change our parents; we can’t.
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