Today we can deliver a devastating message within seconds. We can speak directly to a person in front of us, send a text or phone message. Once words are spoken, we can’t remove the memory. Do we really need to say all the things to another that we think we need to?
When we say hurtful words to another, they may forgive us, but the memory lingers along with the hurt feelings. When hurt feelings remain, we tend to recoil, and not allow those we love to see our vulnerable side any longer. Our mind tells us stories that may or may not be true. We react instead of being the witness. We may protect our heart and feelings, which closes the door on intimacy and closeness.
Do we really need to say everything we think? Here are a few examples of words I have heard others say to their loved ones:
You are an idiot
How stupid can you be?
What’s the matter with you?
Oh, that was a joke, I didn’t mean it.
You sound just like your mother.
You are acting just like your father!
Saying something in jest and attempting to cover it up by saying “Just kidding,” is a form of abuse. Sarcasm and kidding about someone’s weight or intelligence aren’t funny. Sarcasm has no place in a loving relationship and is passive aggressive. It is our reaction to life’s events and words that cause us the pain and suffering.
Rather than attacking someone and pointing out your loved one’s flaws ask yourself why is it so important to you to lash out in such an unaccepting way? Sometimes, the reason we point out another’s flaws is that we are scrutinizing our own or because we are hurt. We all have flaws. Ask Yourself The Following Questions: Are you responding in ways that your family did? Are you running your dysfunctional parent’s energy? Are you responding in an automatic way, rather than a conscious way? Am I being triggered by something similar from my past? When did you feel this way in the past? Is there something old and familiar about this interaction? Coming into loving acceptance of our weaknesses and shortcomings is what self-love is all about. How To Communicate In Loving Ways
We all get our feelings hurt from time-to-time. Staying grounded and breathing through our emotions can allow the emotion to pass through us. We don’t want to stay angry or resentful, but rather release our emotions to stay physically healthy. Holding onto anger and resentment can cause depression and serious illness. Long-standing anger and resentment cause cancer.
Here we are in the middle of time together with family, friends and loved ones. When we are with family members, tempers can be shortened, and buttons pushed. We need to be able to take a step back from our emotions and speak with compassion rather than anger.
Remember those words that we fling in anger or even in jest, will long be remembered after the gift wrap is picked up and all our family members have returned home.
Jennifer’s gift is helping people find love and happiness. Whether it is self-love, the love of your life, or love within your current relationship or marriage Jennifer can help you overcome whatever is holding you back. Jennifer helps you see your relationship through different eyes, without judgment, control, and resentment. If you want to heal your marriage life or relationship, Jennifer will help you do it!
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