How I Healed A Deep Issue With Scary Angry Men

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I’ve had an issue since I was a child. Just one? Actually, after years of working on myself, this issue remained because it was so scary for me. I have been afraid of angry men. My father didn’t look quite like Hugh Jackman, but he was pretty scary when he was angry, and he was angry often. Even though my father died twenty-seven years ago, the issue continued to plague me till now.

When an issue keeps repeating in our lives, the universe is presenting it to us to heal and shift it. There is no malice when we don’t get the lesson from The Divine or the universe. Even if the person we had the original issue with has left the planet, we can be assured of repeating the lesson until we finally get it. Following is my story of what showed up for me in an unexpected way. Maybe you will see your patterns in my story.

Though both my parents had anger and rage issues, the issue with my father was more profound. My father was a big, strong, angry man. When he was angry, he was loud. His energy got very large, and I was terrified of his rage and loud voice. When I did something he thought was wrong, he would whip his belt off and beat me with it.

If a wooden spoon or hairbrush were closer, he would use those too. The fear for me was very deep and visceral. Sounds even today like hearing a man pull his belt out of his pants bring up the fight, fright and freeze mechanism that is innate in all humans.

He had an addictive personality and smoked for seventeen years. I never saw him falling down drunk, but he certainly liked to drink. He made his own wine and beer in our cellar. Later in his life, he quit because he knew it was affecting his health with gout and joint pain.

Repeating Pattern

Throughout my life, I attracted men who were angry. Let’s just say the universe gave me ample opportunities to heal this pattern of being afraid of big, angry, scary, yelling men. They may have had differences along the way, but the common thread was anger, intimidation, and disrespect for women. My father refused to allow me to go to college because I was a girl and would just get married and have babies. He felt it was a waste of his money to educate me. There were layers upon layers stuffed deep within my psyche.

Mojave Desert

I attracted men in different shapes and personalities. My father was a self-made handyman and Jack of All Trades. He built houses, cottages, boats and was often fixing things. All the men I attracted had terrible tempers and were scary (at least to me) when they were angry. Rather than standing up to them, I shut down and backed away.

Connecting The Dots

When I moved to California, I had no idea at the time what our little house in the desert would mean to me as far as a healing opportunity. I knew that the desert is for purging. It is a place to turn your life over to God. There are emptiness and monasticism in the desert. I certainly lived like a monk for many years while here. My life became very simple.

Rejecting Luxury

Alpharetta, Georgia home Rich built, 2001

I had everything material I ever dreamed of in the past from living on a private estate in England to a 4,000 square foot home in Alpharetta, Georgia. I knew the material didn’t make me happy. In fact, I rejected luxury after recovering from a spending addiction in a heartless marriage that turned me off anything posh or luxurious. In fact, I gave away my best clothing and furniture. I rejected luxurious comfort due to the guilt I had for having excess and feeling it didn’t make my heart sing.

Every time, I went onto the Internet to look for a house in California for my daughter and me this particular house showed up. On the outside, the house looked like little more than a shack, the interior, however, was totally re-done complete with granite countertops, a nickel gooseneck kitchen faucet, ceramic tiled floor, shower and brand new everything. It was perfect for our dogs, and thirteen miles to the closest bank and my daughter’s Charter school. Was it pretty? It depends on what you look at. I found a way to make it work. I found a way to enjoy the desert. The bottom line was I could AFFORD IT!

My landlord considered himself a Jack-of-all-trades. He was a plumber but did all the restoration on this little rental house himself.

Upon our move in on November 1st, 2012, I had challenges with our landlord, I’ll call him Jose. We were without heat and hot water for two weeks until the gas company could hook us up. Though he helped me out by not imposing a pet deposit, he made grandiose promises on which he didn’t deliver. He promised to show up to do repairs on a specific date and wouldn’t call when he couldn’t make it. Over 50% of the time that he said he would be at my house he never showed. His behavior was so evident that my neighbors remarked at how surprised when he did show up, that was how often commitments were made and broken.

His promise to change out the single paned windows took him two full years to install. His promise to build an arbor over the driveway and wall around the property never materialized. When we discovered a broken window under the closed blinds, my landlord said we broke it then called me a liar screaming at me on my front porch. His intimidation tactics were very scary, I stood firm and refused to pay for a broken window that was broken upon move in. I told him I didn’t appreciate being called a liar. I don’t lie.

From the first time, it rained till today when there was more than 1/4 inch of rain the bathroom ceiling leaked at the newly located ceiling fan above the commode. Each time the roof leaked, I would contact Jose and tell him. He never fixed the issue. He also didn’t listen to me when I told him what I thought the problem was caused by. Even replacing the roof after my ceiling caved in didn’t fix the problem.

After the second Christmas in the house, my landlord, informed me the reason he hadn’t been responding to my phone calls was that he had been in jail for a DUI. He loved his cerveza, but tequila was his true love. He told me he typically drank a quart and a half a night. I didn’t know how he was able to keep the pace of a full-time job and the maintenance of 9 rental properties. Something had to give.

Pieces of The Puzzle

The pieces were beginning to fall into place. My landlord at the farmhouse in Georgia was also an alcoholic who refused to make repairs. (I ended up losing everything in Georgia to black mold after the oak trees landed on the roof.) I was beginning to have Deja Vu.

Each time it rained, water dripped water onto our heads when we sat down to pee. It could be said, that we were taking a leak in the literal sense.

Fortunately, we were in a drought the first two years which meant it rarely rained. However, that changed in 2016 when California experience flooding. In 2016 alone, I reported seven incidents of roof leaks where several inches of water filled an awaiting bucket on the bathroom floor. On one occasion water spilled from the ceiling and poured down my interior wall onto the carpet. Needless to say, I reported this to my landlord in February 2017, and never received a response.

Roots grew into the pipes causing raw sewage to back up into the bathtub on three occasions. At this point, you might wonder why I stayed? My logical mind said, “Where else could I get such a deal on rent?” It felt as if the $800 a month rent was worth the inconvenience until it wasn’t any longer.

About a year ago, I received Guidance that I would leave this house as I did in Georgia – with only my clothes and a few precious items. I thought, “Well that is interesting.” I didn’t question any further, though I could have asked, “Why?” Those questions are rarely answered as we are on a need to know basis. The Universe doesn’t feel we need to know they whys and wherefores.

Every time I turned around there was another problem. If it wasn’t the pipes being clogged with tree roots and raw sewage backing up through the shower drain into the bathtub, it was a pipe falling off under the sink, gophers tearing up my front lawn or the bathroom roof leaking.

There was an issue during the heat of the summer last year when my swamp cooler wasn’t cooling. With summer temperatures in the high 100’s for weeks on end, the air that did come in through the vents was stagnant and smelling of mold. A swamp cooler uses water to cool the air inside the house. The interior temperature with the swamp cooler running constantly sustained 84 degrees or higher.

How The Swamp Cooler Works

Swamp coolers when running efficiently cost significantly less to run than an air conditioner. Water fed through a pump sprays the large pads about 16″x 16″ square, keeping the pads wet. The fan blows through the dampened pads which feed cooled air through the vents into the house. The pads need to be changed yearly because of the mineral build up from the water and the high desert heat that dry rot even rubber.

The pads on my swamp cooler hadn’t been changed in over four years. Jose refused to change them. He even bought the pads and had them at the house to do so. In the end, he changed his mind and said they didn’t need to be changed. Instead, he changed out the water pump, which cost triple what the pads cost and that my neighbor said worked fine. Jose didn’t like me making suggestions. I was a woman. He didn’t respect the opinion of women. I urged him to put the new pads on even offering to pay the $12.00 to do so. He refused.

I told him that my neighbor had taken a look at the swamp cooler for me, he had been a maintenance man for an apartment complex and knew what he was talking about. The fact that I had someone else up on “his roof” made him angry. My neighbor had assured me that the pads needed to be changed and were the reason my house wasn’t cooling. The air couldn’t possibly pass through the mineral encrusted pads.

Jose said the pads were good. When I got nowhere with Jose directly, I went to Jose’s wife who I had become friendly with and worked as the Manager of the Estee Lauder counter at the mall. My logical mind told me it was a good idea to talk to her. It wasn’t.

I attempted to enlist her support to get Jose to change out the pads but received the opposite. My logic was false, clearly, I was attempting to avoid a confrontation due to my fear of him. My effort to gain a compadre caused an explosion. Jose didn’t respect women. He called me in a fit of rage to say his name was on the lease, not his wife’s I wasn’t to talk to her about issues with “his” house. He yelled at me for twenty minutes, threatening me. He told me “If you don’t like it leave!”

He said he didn’t need to fix anything he didn’t want to. My fear of Jose caused me to create a situation that was safe for me. I’ll go to the person I feel safe with, his wife. (Our logical mind tells us stories that don’t usually make sense but we believe them anyway.)

His rage took me back to my fear of my father and other men who raged and drank. I was frozen. I wanted to escape, but the Universe would support me and hold my feet to the fire. I needed to move through this issue, rather than avoid it.

I had a neighbor change the pads that were calcified with hard mineral deposits and loaded with black mold and paid him $50.00 to do the work. I could have avoided the situation with Jose and his wife by doing this first.

I was so intimidated after Jose’s tirade that when I had a plumbing issue, I paid my neighbor to fix the problem and the swamp cooler, rather than calling my landlord. With the new pads on the swamp cooler, my house was cool, comfortable and my electric bills were cut in half. The swamp cooler didn’t have to labor so hard to do its job.

Shortly after my neighbor mentioned that he had adjusted the float on the swamp cooler; Jose didn’t have it operating the way it should. I noticed water pouring off the back of the roof. I turned off the water to the swamp cooler and reported the problem to Jose. He didn’t respond. Two weeks later the ceiling in my back bedroom came crashing down onto the floor, sopping wet drywall, insulation, and smelling of mold. I had no choice but to call my resistant landlord, Jose.

Jose showed up the following day to survey the damage. Had he responded when I told him about the leak originally, the roof damage might have been avoided. There was certainly a pattern of avoidance; mine and Jose’s. That day he declared he would give me a brand new roof he also promised to paint the entire house and let me choose the color. He promised to be at my house on Friday. He didn’t show up and didn’t call. Instead, they began a day later as one of the crew was too hungover to work the previous day.

The crew of five, spent an entire day on my roof in September removing the shingles. Jose offered liquid encouragement for his boys. They drank three cases of beer perched on the roof, tossing the beer cans onto the ground.

My Repeating Patterns

I had a penchant for quirky old houses that need constant repair
I attracted alcoholics – a father, boyfriend, husband, and now two landlords that were Jack-of-all-trades.
I was accustomed to walking on eggshells with angry people.
The water issues, leaks and backed up drains were a symbol of emotions that needed to be resolved about the past.
I had a terrible fear of men like my father who yelled to intimidate women.
Houses with constant water issues drain away money. My money was going down the drain.
I felt I couldn’t do any better. I was in fear of not being able to afford what was available on the market. (Sound familiar?)
My daughter kept reinforcing my belief, telling me I needed to stay. “How will you ever find anyone who will accept you with all your animals, Mom?”

What I Had To Do

It takes 21 days of consistency to change patterns. Not only do we need to clear the energetic pattern, but we have to respond differently as well. I had to change my behavior and had to be consistent with mantras and thoughts to have lasting change. I had to reprogram my mind. My old way of dealing with men who yelled and intimidated me was to be intimidated and avoid conflict. I was afraid of yelling men. Instead, I needed to stand up to my landlord in a way that would get his attention. I had a choice, as we always do.

I Considered My Options

I could humble myself and go the legal route sending my landlord a certified letter that he could refuse or become enraged over, then take the certified receipt to the Housing Department and then they would look over my notes and decide what needed to be done.
I could hit him in the pocketbook to get his attention.
I could do nothing and stay in a place that was unsafe, unhealthy where my money was draining away.

I looked at all my options and chose door number 2. I knew hitting Jose in the pocketbook was the fastest way to get him to complete the unfinished work on the third bedroom. His wife called me and asked me when I would pay my rent three days after the due date in March. I told her I had paid it. She began asking further questions. I felt confident and strong. I asked her to have her husband call me, as he requested that I not talk to her about issues relating to “his” rental property.

Though Jose called me immediately, he was in Mexico tending to his ranch. When I explained I had deducted $500 for the five months I was without my third bedroom, he was dumbfounded. Since the house was 800 square feet and my rent was the same, I paid $300, devaluing my rent $100 for each month that the third bedroom was unusable. The third bedroom was 100 square feet. It made sense to me.

To Jose however, he couldn’t put a full sentence together. I had shifted the dynamic. I was no longer the complacent agreeable meek woman. I was finally growing a pair. He promised to see me the following Monday to do the repairs. He made good on his promise and did an incredible drywall plastering job. We chatted while he did the work. He tried to be angry with me, but I was friendly and affable. He never asked me for the $500.

Amethyst Geode

The huge amethyst geode he had broken moving sheets of drywall was still in question. I couldn’t prove he broke it, as I didn’t see it happen. The fact that the bedroom door had been closed for five months and the geode had been in the back corner of my house for four-and-a-half years without ever falling over, didn’t matter apparently. He would not pay me the $800 it cost to replace it.

I have no ill feelings toward Jose. He is doing the best he can to make a living to provide for his family and retire. He works very hard and plays equally hard. I also am very aware that Jose is a great gift to me. He is part of my life plan to transform, evolve and grow. He showed up to show me my pattern. I have tremendous compassion and gratitude for him and his family. I finally stood up to an angry yelling man with big energy without running away. YAY! YAY for me! I grew some cojones! I did it without having to yell, swear or get angry.

Manifesting A Beautiful, Safe Home

Placerita Canyon

For over a year, I had been asking the Universe, “How can I find a small home, perfect for me in a place I love, that will accept me with six animals that would be safe and affordable?”

Alpharetta, Georgia

On my way to a Oneness meditation with my friend Shannon, I asked the Universe after a particularly challenging day with Jose, “Who do I need to talk to about a place to rent?” I had a vision of Shannon’s face. I asked her that night before we began to meditate. “I need to move, do you have any ideas or suggestions?” Shannon responded with a huge smile, “You can move into my guest house!” Shannon had been renting her apartment out on Air B&B and wanted someone in her place that was steady, rather than having to be responsible for the upkeep and cleaning of it herself. It was clearly a win-win for us both.

I made sure that Shannon was okay with all my pets. She said she was. When I went by to sign the deposit form, I brought my dogs with me. They didn’t want to leave. Karma was so happy to be around horses and wide open spaces with a green lawn and not just sand. My dogs confirmed for me that all was well with this situation. I paid a $500 pet deposit to her to hold the place.

The Universe loves win-win situations!

To be honest, I love the approach to my friend’s home. Every time I drove to her Oneness Blessing event I would revel in the natural beauty, trees, and houses. Shannon and her husband have a five-acre ranch with five horses, goats, and a miniature horse. She is a meditator, Oneness Blessing Trainer and on the same page spiritually as me. She is also a healer.

Her home is as beautiful as she is inside and out. Moving to her ranch would mean I would be 53 miles closer to Los Angeles which is of great benefit. The town of Santa Clarita is right around the corner from her; only ten minutes away.

I wouldn’t have to drive two hours to get to LA to do workshops and presentations. The homes surrounding her place were all beautiful and upscale. The only issue? The rent is double what I pay in the desert. I have to come up with $3,000 by May 1st for my first and last month’s rent.

My logical mind says I can’t afford it.
My heart says I’ll be more prosperous living around prosperous people
My dogs say, “WE LOVE THIS PLACE!”
My guidance over a year ago was that I would leave this little house in the desert with only a few items.
Shannon’s place is furnished!
Again, I am being given the opportunity to shed unwanted belongings and begin anew in a much simpler way.

How To Overcome The Sticker Shock?

Maybe, just maybe I need to be closer to the people who can use and afford my services. Living in Santa Clarita puts me in front of a huge number of people who are interested in coaching and spiritual evolution. My dogs are in doggie heaven on her ranch. Karma is as happy there as she is at the beach. In fact, last night when I put both dogs in the car after touring her property, Karma didn’t want to leave. She was stonily silent the entire ride home. She was letting me know she has already made the move to our new location!

The Ass-Kicker!

After making the decision to move to my friend’s ranch in May (as soon as the Mercury Retrograde ends May 3rd), I walked to the post office and returned a short while later. I had left the house closed up. Without ventilation, I smelled urine. Sure it could be said, I have plenty of reason to smell urine, I have four cats! My intuition told me it was black mold. I immediately got on my computer and googled, “What does black mold smell like?” You guessed it, URINE! Mold that takes hold in the desert is tenacious as it has had to adapt to drier conditions.

All the rain the past six months that had pooled inside my ceiling and even poured down the interior walls of my little home had caused the drywall to become soggy and wet. Given that the attic and interior of the ceiling didn’t see the light of day, the combination of the leaking roof has caused black mold to grow in the drywall and attic. I reported a leak to my landlord seven times since September of 2016.

The Universe Is Always And In Every Way Supporting Us

The Universe is making sure that I heed my intuition and move even though the rent is double. Connecting the dots, I had an alcoholic landlord who didn’t want to fix things in Georgia. I ended up moving and losing everything I owned due to black mold. Again, in California, I have an alcoholic landlord, where I stood up to and changed my pattern allowing healing to occur. I am not afraid of Jose any longer. The drywall is just double insurance that I won’t back down and will boldly move to a place that is double the rent with the faith that I will be supported as I always am.

Why I didn’t Report My Landlord

I checked with the Department of Health and the Code Compliance Department in my local government. I was told that the only thing they would make a landlord do once black mold is detected is to paint over the mold. Anyone who has had black mold knows that paint doesn’t cure or kill mold. It was pointless for me to take any action that would be so useless. The Law of Karma will take care of this man. I don’t have to make him pay The Universe will. It is the Universal Law.

Truth

As long as we are in a human body we will be working on our issues. When we don’t heal and clear issues we become stagnant and unhealthy. Physical ailments will surface until we eliminate the root cause which is always emotional in nature. When we declare we want total enlightenment and evolution, situations will continue to arise so that we can release the past and heal. When we let go of old hurts and limiting beliefs or patterns our energy is raised and we move to a higher level. Thinking we are “DONE” is quite funny. We will never be done until we become fully enlightened like Buddha or Jesus.

What patterns do you have that you have lived with your entire life? What are you avoiding? What are you still afraid of?

With Gratitude for you!

Join me Monday, March 27th night for a New Moon Celestial Clearing with Divine energy, The Ascended Masters Saint Germaine, Serapis Bey, Babji, Quan Yin, Jesus, and even Henry Ford. There are a group of 13 beings that I work with to do the deeply transformative work I do. Sign up by sending me an e-mail with your name at JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

this way I will work on your specific energy field.

The cost of this magnificent event is a suggested $5.00 to $20.00. More or less is appreciated. The Paypal link is here. Add the dollar value you choose. Change the end of the link to be the dollar value you choose + /5.00 Visit my website: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

With so much love,

Jennifer

Love, Self Love