By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Narcissists shine brightly and magnetize us with their stories. They appear intelligent, able and confident on the surface. One thing that is for sure is we are attracted to their brilliance.
Below is a list of the nine criteria in diagnostic testing used to determine narcissism. Someone doesn’t have to meet all nine criteria to be considered narcissists.
What Creates A Narcissist?
Somewhere in their past they were hurt deeply and compensate for the fracture in their psyche with their persona.
We see famous celebrities with huge egos are all of them narcissistic? Hitler, Donald Trump, Stalin, Pablo Picasso, Winston Churchill, Tony Blair, Mylie Cyrus, Paris Hilton, Madonna, Kylie Jenner, LadyGagaa, Kanye West are a few.
Narcissists appear larger than life. They display a pattern of grandiosity. They are experts at everything. Some narcissists are also sociopaths or psychopaths as well (a total lack of conscience). The most recent person I met that is a classic narcissist said she had performed the following for a living and was only in her thirties:
- professional ballerina
- professional model
- hair and makeup artist
- helicopter pilot
- a government official
- expert mechanic
- professional artist
- clothing designer
- an expert seamstress
- single-handedly wrote and won a million dollar grant upgrade for our town.
- a dog trainer
- a building inspector
- a real estate agent
Signs of Narcissism:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. No one is better at anything than them.
- Is preoccupied with fantasies (stories) of unlimited success, brilliance, power, or ideal love.
- Believes that they are “special, ” unique and needs to only associate with the highest level people, institutions or classes.
- Needs constant admiration, fishing for compliments, ego-stroking and purrs when flattered.
- Has a sense of entitlement.
- Lacks empathy; it’s always about their feelings but is unconcerned about hurting others.
- Arrogant, rude, haughty, abusive attitudes and behaviors.
- Believes others are envious of them; envious of others achievements. May feel victimized by others.
- Exploits others. Takes advantage of others to achieve own ends.
The nine criteria above are part of the diagnostic requirements, though I have seen other evidence.
- They have very low self-esteem. Though they are experts and the best at everything, underneath they feel very small and extremely insecure.
- Drama seems to find them, or surround them.
- They are only lying when their lips are moving.
- They are highly reactive to criticism. They may constantly demean and criticize others but heaven forbid you should say one critical thing to a narcissist you might not hear from them for days or even weeks.
- They are better than everyone at everything.
What Creates A Narcissist?
There are many causes of narcissism. A domineering mother who is emotionally unavailable, probably damaged herself that overcompensates with perfection. Having a narcissistic father or mother can create a perpetuation of the originating theme.
I have encountered many narcissists in my lifetime. My mother is one as a Borderline Personality, I was married to a narcissist and just recently encountered a woman who endeared me to her quickly yet attempted to swindle and cheat me. At the core of this woman is a sweetness with an irascibility of a con artist. We want to believe their stories because they are so convincing. One of my son’s girlfriends was a narcissist. I grew very fond of her though she hurt me deeply.
A relationship with a narcissist is challenging if not impossible. You cannot trust a narcissist because lies are their raison de´tre. They can’t exist without telling stories, as it is part of their makeup. They will feel victimized by the world and us yet feel quite comfortable slashing our feelings without looking back.
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