One of the fastest ways out of misery and suffering is to be impeccable with your word.
The Four Agreements written by Don Miguel Ruiz remains a positive touch-stone on the path of awakening. There are many books that include the power of our words, like Florence Schovel Shinn’s, The Game of Life and How To Play It. No matter which self-help book you choose the underlying theme of being impeccable with our word increases self-esteem, lessens drama and increases happiness. What’s not to like?
Rules To Live By
Be Impeccable With Your Word
- Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
- Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
- Use the power of your word towards the direction of truth and love.
Beyond honesty, is choosing what to say and what not to say. Not everything that comes into our mind needs to be said. We need to be true to our word and not make promises that we can’t keep. We also need to govern what we say and what we don’t.
It sounds simple. Be honest. Speak kindly and with love. However, what if someone hurts us. Do we need to point out the lessons another needs to notice and learn? No. It is not our job to make another person see the error of their ways or to get the lesson.
Believe me, in the past I thought it was my job to point out another’s issues, or that it was what we “should do.” We need to think about our part in the problem and take care of our end. We need to process the effects of events and challenges we experience. However, we cannot do another person’s inner work for them. Nor can we fix anyone. We need to recognize what is our responsibility and allow others to have their own experience.
What if we know a friend’s spouse is cheating on them? Is it our job to point out their issues? No. Telling someone what they don’t see isn’t our job, nor would it be loving or kind. Giving someone such news would hurt their feelings. Sticking our nose into someone’s private relationship isn’t respectful either. We need to pay attention to our issues and what is our responsibility. Another’s relationship isn’t part of our responsibility.
Years ago, I discovered my best friend’s husband was cheating on her while she was away in Florida visiting her parents. I called to tell her what I saw through the window. She didn’t believe me. She thought I was mistaken. She was in denial. She couldn’t handle the truth. I lost a friend and her husband ended up dying of cancer shortly thereafter.
What Does It Mean To Be Impeccable With your Word?
Our word is more than just the things that we say or think. There are nuances in our words, we may express opinions or our thoughts. Yet, our word is much more than what we say.
As we express ourselves, we generate emotions, instilling feelings in others. We might state facts without being emotional or reactive. When we are able to communicate without reactivity, we can get our point across without upsetting our audience. We can listen intently to others, silently nodding while we give them the floor. Being heard and understood is part of our ability to communicate lovingly.
The ability to communicate lovingly and clearly can create an income whether it is as a public speaker, author coach, healer or the videos you create.
We communicate in a myriad of ways throughout the day. Our authenticity, honesty and heart shines through it all in our Word.
Our Beliefs About Ourselves
The words we think about ourselves become our beliefs. We need to be loving in the way we speak to ourselves when we are naked and alone. In the work I have done over the past twelve years with clients has shown repeatedly that most need to be more loving when thinking and speaking about ourselves. Our words hold power.
Florence Schovel Shinn says, “Your word is your sword!”
We need to be careful with the words we speak and the promises we make so that we don’t let ourselves and others down. We must say what we mean and do what we say.
Words Are Commitments
Every time we say we will and don’t, it chips away at our self-esteem. Our subconscious mind remembers it all and keeps score. “Remember you promised to …….. and you didn’t.” Making appointments and canceling last minute is disrespectful to ourselves and those we committed to. Each time we don’t live up to our commitment we break a promise. Broken promises affect both parties.
Fears Affect Your Self-Esteem
If we hold onto fears isn’t loving yourself. Whether it is speaking in front of a crowd or a fear of dating, or intimacy these fears affect us negatively. Fear holds us back from living our best life and having the coveted happiness. Overcoming these fears sets us free. Fear is the cornerstone of NOT being impeccable.
Happiness Is An Inside Job
As you go about your day, you will begin to notice the judgments made, the derisive thoughts about yourself and others that chip away at your self-esteem and happiness. Each word we think holds power. Recognizing the power we weild in each word we think and speak can make or break relationships.
Thoughts that previously went unnoticed, begin to emerge allowing us to see how we create the world around us by the way we communicate. If people seem angry or irritated with us, a cashier is impatient or mean, we need to look at what we were thinking, saying and even the expression we held on our face that might cause them to react the way they did.
Increasing our awareness about the thoughts, words, emotions, attitudes, actions, and perspectives we hold becomes a daily mindfulness practice. Our word and the thoughts we think using words hold such subtleties causing reactions among those who witness them. Being impeccable with our word isn’t as simple as honesty.
Loving, respectful and kind communication with ourselves and others becomes a daily act of love. As we increase our awareness with loving communication not only to others but ourselves included, life begins to take on a brighter more compassionate hue. Instead of harsh reality and reactivity, we find love around every corner.
It might not happen overnight. It may take months or even years to feel solidly impeccable with your word. It is a new skill. As we begin to learn a new language or ability we might not feel comfortable at first. We may feel rusty or a bit impatient. As with any new skill, it takes vigilance, dedication, and commitment.
Like taking up painting, our first canvas might need to be painted over and started anew. It’s okay. As we practice our new skill we become better each day. Instead of seeing clouds on the horizon you can begin to paint sunshine as it will feel the clouds have parted. People begin to respond differently as you become impeccable with your word.
Let go of the judgments that come up as you learn your new impeccable skill. Do your best each day. You are working on yourself as you become more loving, impeccable and kind with your words. Your new work of art is you!
What I promise is that you are so worth it.